Wednesday, March 18, 2009 @ 8:02 PM
About My Family - Posted by FyNa
1stly, its about my mum, she's a wonderful mother. i love her so much. She's my everything. Whatever i do for myself, there's always got something to do with her too. She's my bestfriend too. i shared all my problem with her but not all, not to the extend becuz i've got my own personal life too. Eventhough there's a mistake in the past for what i've done, i am disappointed about myself and now, i'm learning it for better that i shouldn't. My mum is a understanding, kind, loud, open-minded, lovely, thoughtful, funny, outgoing and caring mum. She's talkative too and that's why she likes to nag sometimes. i know her life is full of stress and sadness becuz of this particular someone. Now that i'm a big girl, i could see and felt what my mum has been through all this time living with a life like this. i pity her so much. She never had a best or most happy moment in her life. i said that becuz i knew about her past time story when she was a young lady. About her happiness, i could only see when we were staying at the Bukit Panjang house. That's where my family were happy living in that house. But that happiness doesn't stay long. if she's stress or someone make her stress, she could do something that never realise what she's doing becuz she's the person that can't be pressured. in the future, i would like to start a new life to make my mum stay happy always. Why i have to wait in the future? Becuz for now i couldn't support her as in i haven't work. Mum, pray for our happiness alright. (=
2ndly, its about my brother, he's a relax and a funny guy. Out of 100%, i could only said that he's a 20% good brother. Brother, if u read this, i'm sorry if it hurts u but what i'm saying here is what i see and felt towards u. Well, 1stly i know that we as a siblings, we are not close to each other by heart, there's no sibling bonding between us. Easily said, we have no connection in heart. i know ur my genuine brother neither a step brother nor a godbrother. i just felt that u have no commitment and responsibility being the only brother and the only son in this family. i couldn't see and feel the love from u. Where's our sister and brother love? i couldn't sense any love from u as my brother. instead, i get and felt the love from my friend which i treat him as my godbrother. i'm not talking big or yaya. i'm telling u the truth and its sincere from my heart. Of cuz i trusted and respect u as my brother. But if u don't respect me as ur sister, i won't too. Eventhough i hate ur behavior and attitude or whatever it is, still u are my brother and i love u. U just need to change better for ur own good that's all i could advise u.
3rdly, lastly and finally, its about my dad. i couldn't describe his good side of him becuz all this time, i could only see his bad side. i could only said about his good side is that when i'm still a kid, when i'm 4 or 5 years old, i'm very close with him, he pampered me alot and i could see his love towards me. As time passed and now i'm a big girl, it's hard for me to see his good side again i mean by the way he used to treat me in the past. i felt that he has extremely changed his love towards me. Now, i didn't felt that love again and as time passes, my love for him is fading/lacking becuz of the way he treated me. He treated me badly. i couldn't understand him now. i don't know why his like this and what he's up to. i know, as a father, u are concerned and are worried about ur only daughter. but if u trusted me and understand my life as a young lady, i think there's shouldn't be a problem between us. 1 more thing is that, my family and i has alot of miscommunication becuz we are not that close like other families were. We do our own things in our own way like nobody care.
What i hate about my dad is that he's an out-dated thinker. Why i said that? it's true he is becuz he never treat me as a 20 years old lady, he treated me as a small kid. Did u know what time is my curfew time is? He said at 8pm i must be at home or else he will take action like always, get beaten by him, i mean kicked instead. Oh my. Poor thing isn't it? Or isn't it funny? But now, i try to put myself not into that kind of situation again. i reschduled my own curfew timing at 10pm. if i can't make it at that time, latest at 11pm i must be at home. isn't it ok? Hmm...i think so. Last time, when i had HIM in my life, i used to be back at home before 12am. With that, i have my own reasons why i'm late. But still, after i told him, he never understand. i don't know whether he wants to understand or he purposely don't want to understand at all. Urgh! i'm frust right now. Go to hell to him! He never treat me by following the generation of years as in now is a Modern Year. He wants me to follow his way which how his parents treated him last time when he was young. Pathetic! As long as i could take care of myself, i'm happy. By the way, isn't his way of disciplining his children is wrong? i mean like, when i reached home at 11pm, to him it's late and so his way of disciplining me is to beat me to make me listened to him. He always like to threaten me as in when i'm out with my friends, he always like to text me saying if u don't be back home at this hour, u watch out. WTH! He thinks i'm a small kid sia! Argh! For my age, it's not a problem to enjoy the world out there and come on lah, this is Singapore, it's a freedom country and the latest time that i reached home is before 12am. it's not like till the next morning. haiz... Why he treated me like this? i'm so tired with his behavior towards me. U know, sometimes i felt like wanted to give up everything in life. Wanted to do stupid things too and maybe make myself dying slowly. Nobody in my family appreciate what i'm doing. They even treat me as a maid i think. i tell u this, everytime before i wanted to went out, i did my housework 1st becuz i know that's my responsibility in the house where else my dad, mum and brother are working. i pity my mum becuz she's working and i know she's tired so i helped her in doing the housework. isn't that a good thing? So, what i want from my dad or whoever side my dad, please open ur eyes and heart to see and feel my good side and understand me and my life. i want freedom that's all. Please don't treat me like a small kid anymore. Be matured and positive thinker. (=
Everyday and everynight, i never fail to wish upon a star that hopefully my dad will open his eyes and heart to trust me and understand my life as his daughter and as a young lady and stop abusing me.
" Ya Allah, engkaulah maha pengasih dan maha penyayang.
Tolonglah bukakan hati bapaku ini ya allah agar dia dapat memahami apa yang ku ingini selama ini.
Dan berikanlah ku pertunjuk atau perjalanan yang baik kalau ku yang salah pada matamu ya allah.
Amin. "
